10 Rules Every Long-Term Couple MUST Follow to Keep the Romance Alive

“The 10 rules that every long-term couple MUST follow in the bedroom to keep the romance alive and avoid someone straying (including fantasizing about other people)” was an article that originally published by The Daily Mail (UK)

– Introduction by Bianca London


As anyone in a long-term relationship knows only too well, things between the sheets can often become non-existent.

But according to one relationship expert, there’s ten essential rules that every long-term couple should follow in the bedroom to keep the romance alive and prevent one partner straying.

Speaking to FEMAIL, relationship and sexpert, Dr Jane Goldberg, author of My Mother, My Daughter, My Self, said: ‘Pay attention to the fact that much of the pleasure of romance and love-making comes from the brain.

‘It is not just a body experience; it is a brain experience, too. The mind is the biggest sex organ. So, the following rules apply to the sexual encounter being a body/brain/mind experience.’

1. Just as you want to buy a birthday present that suits the person getting the present, love-making has to fit the person: While the physical pleasure is intensely a sense of self, if the experience is going to be good, it has to be a together experience. Talk, communicate and explore but do it together. Let your mind be free. It may take you, and your partner, to surprising and wonderful places.’

2. Remember foreplay is different for men and women: Women want emotional foreplay before they even hit the bed. For the woman, talking and getting close emotionally is as essential a foreplay as stimulating touch. Men want more physical foreplay. Both men and women must pay attention to this gender difference.

3. Women generally have a slower arousal time than men: Again, differences need to be understood, accepted and enjoyed.

4. Don’t assume that what worked with your last partner will be the same with your new partner: We are all unique individuals, and like different things from one another. The brain thrives (and learns) with novelty.

5. Don’t assume that what worked the last few times with this partner will work this time: Not only are we unique individuals, we like different things at different times. The brain loves (and needs) novelty.

6. You don’t need to curtail your fantasy life while having sex: You don’t need to feel guilty about imagining there is another person in the bed with you. Fantasy is an important and pleasurable function in the brain. It can spice up your sex life enormously.

7. Determine whether sharing your most fun fantasy life with your partner will spice up his/her sexual pleasure, or not: This is sometimes an intuitive thing. If you’re into playing footsies, or something more kinky, and your partner is not, asking directly may be a turn-off. But if you know your partner is sexually adventuresome, ask away. Plan out your sexual fantasy escapades and have a code word for ‘no go.’

8. Kissing is not just for mouths: Kissing traditional non-erotic zones can be a nice turn-on. Kissing your partner’s fingers, for instance, one by one, is a signal of readiness.

9. Remember, sex is all about tension and tension relief: The build-up is as important as the release. The tension build-up can be from subtle cues: soft whispering; suggestive body movements. One great way to build up tension is to be suggestive in public. The no-no places, like a museum, or a sophisticated cocktail party, are great places to give indications of later-readiness.

10. Play fun games: One woman decided to make a trail of her partner’s favorite chocolates from the front door to the bedroom door that he would see as soon as he came home from work. Then, she posted a big arrow on the bedroom door, with a note: ‘Enter at your own risk.’ She was lying on the bed, undressed, waiting for him. But the next time, the trail led to the dining room. And then to the living room. The coup de gras was the attic.