The Making of a Murderer Pt. 10: Meeting Louise

I never know what is going to happen when I go to sleep. Since David’s death, my dream life has become as vivid as my waking life. They are bizarre, imaginative dreams. Some redeeming; some disturbing. The last dream I had was about Max. Doctors had discovered that there was something wrong with him and that an operation would correct the problem. After the surgery, presumably, he wouldn’t continue to be violent. Continued

The Making of a Murderer Pt 9: David’s Tombstone Unveiling at Family Plot

tombstone

One space left in family plot, on left of David’s (not visible in pic). My parents had bought the family plot when all were alive, and the fourth plot was for Lenny, David’s long-term partner, whom my parents accepted as part of our family. David and Lenny separated, and I suppose the 4th plot is now mine, awaiting my final visitation.

The Making of a Murderer Pt. 8: Bad News

Yesterday, moments after the deal seemed to be effected, it was already off the table. After turning down an already accepted plea bargain of 30 years, the judge decided that even the newly agreed upon 40 years was not sufficient for the crimes committed by Maxim Hoppens. She, thusly, attached another five years per additional crimes related to the murder: two counts of forgery and one for the use of a stolen credit card (called “access device fraud”). She is imposing the sentence for these crimes as consecutive, adding an additional fifteen years to the prison term: 55 years in total. Continued

The Making of a Murderer Pt 5: Photographs

janes-motherJane’s and David’s beautiful mother in Cuba.

meyer-goldbergMeyer Goldberg, Jane’s and David’s father, on his Harley. He rode from Georgia to Louisiana circa 1935.

GoldbergsDavid Goldberg, Lee Goldberg, Mommie, and Jane with her cousin in her papa’s arms.

david-childDavid, around 13 years of age.

david-high-schoolDavid in high school.

david-king-of-mardi-grasDavid as the King of the Mardi Gras Ball, circa 1970.

david2David Goldberg in his 40s.

The Making of a Murderer Pt 4: David and Max

Therapist to patient: “What stage of grief are you in?”

Patient: “Writing. Is that a stage?”

Said by Sally Wade upon the publication of her memoir about her long-term love relationship with George Carlin.

DavidGoldbergLast picture taken of David M. Goldberg, at Niagara Falls – a vacation trip where he met for the first time Yang, a Chinese man he had been communicating with every day for five years via the internet. (See previous post The Letters, to read Yang’s response to the news of David’s death.)

Continued

The Making of a Murderer Pt. 3: The Letters

These are the letters that came to me after David’s death:

Jane,

This news of course came as a great shock !!! We are so very sorry and what a terrible ending to his life. He loved his family and was always devoted to all of us, especially you. He never missed an event that included his family. I am really saddened because he was a part of us and sadly he will not be there any longer. I’m also so sad to learn of all of your mishaps. This has definitely been a trying time for you. I’m so happy that Barbara Pailet has been helping you. You have always been a great daughter and sister no matter how difficult the circumstances. Please keep us posted, and again our sympathies. He will be missed. Continued

The Making of a Murderer Pt 2: Finding Out

I always thought I would be a catatonic. I was sure that if a major trauma came my way, and I ended up having a nervous break-down, it would be the silent treatment that I would revert back to. Essentially I had to learn to talk as an adult. Growing up, I had lots of thoughts, lots of ideas – lots going on in my brain – that I never shared. Sharing my thoughts and feelings seemed a bit superfluous. So – catatonia was my mental illness of choice. Continued

The Making of a Murderer Pt 1: About Max

How is it that I, a 66-year-old successful professional woman living in New York City, have come to have acquaintance with a young man who has lived his 18 years in New Orleans, daring to be difficult, provoking those in authority positions to institutionalize him for his misdeeds, thievery and disturbed behaviors, and living out his plan, as he himself said of “ruining (his) life”? It is only through unforeseen circumstances of the most morbid kind that this young man, Max Hoppens, has arrived in my life, destined to stay for a good long time. Continued

Raw or Rocket Fuel? Take Your Pick…

Now that winter is here, I am making more than ever my batches of dehydrated crackers. My favorite recipe is for my Rosemary Crackers (which are universally loved), for which I use sprouted flax seeds and sprouted almonds. It’s important to sprout raw nuts and seeds by soaking them first. Nature’s defense mechanism includes nutritional inhibitors and toxic substances — enzyme inhibitors, phytates (phytic acid), polyphenols (also known as tannins), and goitrogens. All these are removed automatically by nature: when it rains, the nut or seed gets wet and can then germinate to produce a plant. When we soak our nuts and seeds, we are mimicking nature. Continued

Brain Development From Birth to Old Age: An Overview

(Please click HERE for original blog.)

Comedian Lewis Black does a brilliant riff on the aging brain. The conversation he demonstrates between two adults trying to converse about a film looks something like, at best, a game of charades, or worse, infants trying to communicate wordlessly with each other — (the very etymology of the word “in fans” is “without speech”). One guy makes reference to the movie, trying to remember the name: “You know — the movie with the guy in it — the guy — you know the guy — the guy who knows the other guy, or looks like the other guy — the two guys — you know who I mean — that movie with the guy.” That’s not an exact quote, but close enough for anyone suffering from the affliction of getting older with a modicum of memory loss to get the point. (They tell us it’s part of the normal aging process. But who believes them?) Continued

Brain Health: Is the Virtual World Creating a Virtual Brain?

(Please click HERE for original blog.)

The other day, the television stopped working suddenly. I spent almost an hour trying to figure out how to fix it. Then my 17-year-old daughter walked in, took the remote from my hand, and had the thing working again in about a New York nanosecond. I have known, for years now, because of similar experiences with computers, cell phones and cameras, that my daughter’s brain operates in a wholly different way than my own. When any of these electronic devices stop doing what they’re supposed to be doing, I can spend hours trying to figure out how to reprogram them (if that is even the right word) — all to no avail. It won’t matter how much time I take to attend to the task. I won’t figure it out. And my daughter will. Continued

How Much Information Can The Brain Hold? Test YOUR Memory

(Please click HERE for original blog.)

The concept of the magic number seven, plus or minus two, has a long, revered place in the history of psychological research. It has been well known since the 19th century when a little observational experiment was done by Scottish philosopher, William Hamilton. Hamilton noted that whenever a handful of marbles were thrown onto the floor, the placement of only about seven of the marbles could be remembered without confusion. G.A. Miller, a Princeton University psychologist, wrote his famous paper, “The Magical Number Seven, Plus or Minus Two,” in 1956. For many years, this was the most cited non-statistical paper in psychology. Miller’s contention was precisely the same as Hamilton’s: most of us can hold in short-term memory approximately seven units of information. Continued

How Increasing Your Brain’s ‘Digit Span’ Can Improve Overall Function

(Please click HERE for original blog.)

Even though there is a mountain of research on sequential processing, and its usefulness as a measure of intelligence, for decades no one had thought to bring the research to the next logical level — to actually change peoples’ digit-span level. Finally, researcher and clinician Bob Doman decided to train people to increase their ability to do digit span. Continued

Brain Cells: How to Preserve Them

(Please click HERE for original blog.)

The brain is not too different from the rest of your body. It needs to be well-nourished. All animals except humans know this instinctively; because the head is elevated whenever an animal moves, sleep is the best time to feed an animal’s brain the blood they need for brain nourishment. An animal is always in a prone position during sleep, and its head falls lower than the rest of its body. Continued

The Innate Genius of Baby Brains

(Please click HERE for original blog.)

The idea that your baby is a genius is a neurological phenomenon. Renowned child educator Maria Montessori has speculated that if our adult ability is compared with the child’s, we would need 60 years of hard work to accomplish what he achieves in just three. When a child masters turning on and off a light switch, his brain has expended more energy than the most complicated computer that we have on earth. When a child says her first word at the age of nine months, he has mastered a developmental advance that represents millions of evolutionary years in the making. Practically everything your child does in his first two years — every sound, every movement, every mental connection that he makes — places his brain capacity at genius operating level. Continued

More Than a Scent: Essential Oils Aid the Immune System

(Please click HERE for original blog.)

If you do some research into the Royal English Archives, you’ll come across an interesting little tidbit. It’s a recipe for “thieves’ oils.” So the story goes: In the 17th century, when all of Europe was in the thrust of the Black Plague, a small band of marauding thieves seemed immune to the disease. They would enter the homes of Black Plague victims and have no fear of touching the bodies as they searched for jewelry and money. The King demanded to know their secret. Continued

The First Sounds of Separation, Pt. 1

(Please click HERE for original blog.)

For a few decades now, as both a mother and a psychoanalyst, I have puzzled over what I consider to be an essential question that all mothers must ask themselves: as mothers, how do we embrace the togetherness, the fusion of selves between mother and child that characterizes his or her first relationship? Continued

From Symbiosis to Separation: Seeing and Touching, Pt. 2

(Please click HERE for original blog.)

I have heard from mothers, both biological and adoptive, about the feeling of deep connection with their infant children through eye contact. The profundity of the eye contact between mother and infant is one reason why adoption agencies prefer that birth mothers not see their child. They know that when the child gazes up into his mother’s eyes, the mother will recognize their bond, and it will be more difficult for her to let go of her child. During the time of my search for my own daughter (who I adopted when she was one week old), I met a woman who had traveled to Romania to find “her” child. She had seen him on a “60 Minutes” television segment about the plight of orphaned children in Romania. She felt this one specific child calling out to her. It took her nine months of living in a foreign land, traveling all over the country from orphanage to orphanage, learning the language, to find this one child whom she had seen for only an instant on her television set. I asked her what about him had inspired her to undertake such a monumental task. She said, without a moment’s hesitation, “It was his eyes.” Continued

Psychoanalysis: A Treatment for the Soul

(Please click HERE for original blog.)

Throughout my 40 years as a psychoanalyst, many of my patients have expressed interest in wanting to enter the territory of spirituality and authentic soul searching. They are surprised when I present the possibility of using their psychoanalytic therapy as a portal with which to explore this interest. When we understand the roots of what has come to be called “the talking cure,” we can see how deeply spiritual the psychoanalytic process is meant to be. Continued

The Joy (and Benefits) of Skipping

(Please click HERE for original blog.)

Doubtless, you remember skipping as a child. Some of the moments of happiness you had as a child were surely when you were skipping. I don’t mean happiness as in content, or satisfied or feeling good or nice. I mean happy as in joyful. If you look around any playground, you will notice that any child who is skipping is also laughing — or at least smiling a big, broad grin. Skipping induces happiness; it did when you were seven, and it will have the same effect on you now that you are an adult. Continued

In Defense of Slow and Tedious: Quick-Fix Therapy or the Kind that Takes ‘Forever’?

(Please click HERE for original blog.)

Since the New York Times published an article by psychotherapist Jonathan Alpert, “In Therapy Forever? Enough Already” (April 21, 2012), there has been lively debate within the psychotherapeutic community about the benefits of short-term, goal-oriented, advice-driven therapy vs. the longer, open-ended, free-associative linguistic wandering brand espoused and practiced by psychoanalysts. The lengthiness of treatment is a question that Freud, the originator of the notion “interminable” analysis, himself asked. He experimented for a time with what we might call today, “speed therapy” (comparable to “speed dating” — first impressions count for all). Ultimately, he wasn’t particularly impressed with the results. But Freud’s goal (in this seemingly “goalless” endeavor) was radically different from the goal of today’s popular short-term — often with adjunctive psychotropic drugs — therapies. Perhaps the best way of describing the difference is that the goal of short-term therapy is to feel “better,” which can translate into feeling “less.” On the other hand, the goal of psychoanalysis is to feel both “deeper” and more “outward” which, at least in the beginning of the process, might translate into feeling “more” and “worse.” Continued

My Rape; My Illegal Abortion; My Almost Dying; Reflections From 1968

(Please click HERE for original blog.)

I was set to graduate from college in a few months. March 1968. I awoke to a voice telling me: “Don’t make a sound or I will kill you.” My screaming was instinctive, and I suppose I paid for that. I screamed and screamed, and the more I screamed, the more he hit me. Although there were four people in the apartment at the time, apparently no one heard me. When I tasted blood in my mouth from his brutal fists, the realization dawned on me that this man didn’t care how much he hurt me, and was willing, indeed, to kill me. I felt the saddest I had ever felt in my short life: not that I was going to die, but that I was going to die without being with any of the people who loved me. I acquiesced to the rape, and tolerated the soft words of his affection for my “titties,” as he called them. I had become so passive, he could have performed a lobotomy on me and I wouldn’t have let out a peep. Continued

What Everyone Should Know About the Flu

LESSONS

Lesson 1: We constantly have Streptococcus in our throats, yet we rarely experience Strep Throat. The same is true of cancer; Lewis Thomas, past President of Sloan-Kettering, proposed the prevailing theory of cancer – that we have cancer cells in our bodies all the time, but only when our immunity doesn’t recognize the cancer cells as pathogenic entities, are they allowed the replicate and cause health issues. The same is true of Swine Flu and other viral strains. Thus: good immunity; no flu. Continued

Important Documentaries

I have recently seen two documentaries that are important.

The first was begun by Ruth Sackman, who served as my first mentor in holistic health shortly after I moved to New York. In 1971, Ruth founded The Foundation for Advancement of Cancer Therapies, the first non-profit organization whose sole purpose was to dissiminate information about non-toxic, biological therapies for cancer (and all other abnormal bodily conditions). Ruth’s guidance saved my mother’s life as she struggled with the metastatic cancer (from breast to bone) that had afflicted her – and she was, thus, able to move from a wheel-chair to playing tennis again. Ruth died two years ago, at the age of 93, while the film was still in process. Continued

Radiation Hormesis

As the co-author (with Jay Gutierrez) of a recent book, Because People Are Dying, on the healing technology of radiation hormesis – the use of low-level radiation to strength the immune system and heal diseases — I felt I should give out as much credible information as I can about the disaster that is unfolding in Japan, and what that may mean to both the Japanese and to those of us who are safely tucked away in or own homes, watching with sympathy and tears of grief for all those who are suffering. Continued

Tesla Technology and Living Longer

For almost a year now I have been participating in an experiment which has the possibility of extending my life. The process is a bit bizarre. I lie on a mat which is energized by a contraption that makes a fair amount of noise, but most bizarrely, it makes my battery operated alarm clock go off every few minutes. Also, light bulbs held in my hand start glowing, even though they are not plugged into an outlet. Sounds kind of sci-fi – and I guess in a sense, it is. Continued

Who Decides What Treatment a Child Gets for Cancer?

I am happy to announce that I WILL NOT be arrested. I was running scared there for a while. As a member of the Nemenhah Native American Tribe, I was somewhat involved in the Danny Hauser case. If you haven’t been reading the papers in the last week, he is a 13-year-old boy, diagnosed with cancer, who told his mother after one chemotherapy session that he would not have another. There was a court hearing to decide if he could be forced into chemotherapy, and Danny told the judge that if they insisted on giving him more chemo, he would kick and bite anyone who tried to force him to have it. Continued

Victor Vega

The guy:

I have just returned from visiting my farm (formerly home to La Casa Resort Spa) in the rain forest of Puerto Rico. I took time out to meet a man I have been wanting to meet for quite a while. He is a physician, and an oncologist who did his internship and residency in radiation oncology at Johns Hopkins, and taught as an instructor in radiation oncology at my alma mater, Washington University (School of Medicine) as well as at the University of Miami School of Medicine. You can see from his credentials that for many years Victor treated cancer patients with standard medical protocols including chemotherapy and radiation therapy. Fifteen years ago, however, he threw in the towel of orthodox medicine and became a medical renegade, practicing only holistic medicine. Continued

Beautiful Better Best Breasts

The world is abuzz about Angelina’s recent decision to have both breasts removed — a double mastectomy. Angelina does not have cancer. She has the genetic marker(BRCA1 or BRCA2) for a specific form of breast cancer, thus, presumably, increasing her genetic predisposition for getting breast cancer at some point in her life. Angelina stated that she hopes “that other women will benefit” from her experience. Continued

The Two Best Brains You Have (After The One in Your Head)

The Two Best Brains You Have (after the one in your head)

The nutritionist who saved my mother’s life from terminal cancer – Bernard Jensen – was fairly obsessed with bowels. He wrote a book called Tissue Cleansing through Bowel Management, which was a seminal book on understanding the relationship between the bowel/the gut and health. He also developed the colema board, a kind of home colonic unit that Ruth Sackman, founder of the Foundation of the Advancement of Cancer Therapies, had all her cancer patients using. My mother was one of Ruth’s patients, and she used it diligently as one of the methods of detoxifying her body. We attributed my mother’s cure from terminal cancer, in part, to her consistent cleansing of her bowel. (The other changes were committing to a nutritional program that emphasized live foods, and finding emotional balance through the process of psychoanalysis.) Continued

Water Power

YOU CAN LEAD A HORSE TO WATER, BUT…

Well, maybe you can’t force a horse to ingest something he doesn’t want to swallow, but you can force a human being to. We do it to ourselves all the time. It’s called dieting. Going on a diet is, essentially, eating according to force and will. Continued

Einstein, Newton and Anti-Aging

Originally published in 101 Great Ways To Improve Your Health, Selected and Introduced by David Riklan and Dr. Joseph Cilea

Everyone knows the story of the man who goes up in a spacecraft and comes back to earth years later. His wife, who was in her prime when he left, is now old and decrepit; his children who were mere toddlers are now grown and have children of their own. The space traveler, however, has only aged a few years. So goes aging in space. It goes so very, very slowly. Continued

Fantasies of Revenge and the Stabilization of the Ego

Acts of Revenge and the Ascension of  Thanatos

There’ve been 2 major traumas in my life: one before my analysis, the other during. My first was when I was a senior in college. I was brutally assaulted, my neck was sliced open with a razor blade, and I almost died. My second was when the man I was passionately in love with rejected me, decided not to marry me. Continued

Becoming an Adoptive Mother

posted in: Articles, Personal Writings | 0

At 37, I was unexpectedly pregnant. This was not happy news to me. It was the wrong man, it was not Richard, who had just broken my heart, cancelled our wedding plans and it would be the wrong baby. Richard and the children I had dreamed that we would have were still in my heart, Continued

Becoming a Yellow Belt at Age 52

posted in: Articles, Personal Writings | 0

I didn’t originally want to take Tae Kwon Do. I really wanted to learn Tai Chi. I was more interested in learning the elegant centeredness that Tai Chi seems to confer on its adherents, and, frankly, defending myself seemed like the last thing in the world I would ever need. Continued

Psychoanalyzing the Body

Jane G. Goldberg, Ph.D.

Bodily dysfunctions and diseases may be caused by what is termed “soul displacement.” The author traces the etymological root of the word “psyche,” to mean “soul,” but then points out an earlier use of the word, to mean “butterfly. Continued

1 2